On Security Questions

Have you ever noticed that sites that don’t let you pick security questions usually have questions that don’t have private answers?

  • What was the name of your first pet / girlfriend?
  • Where were you born?
  • Hometown?
  • Favorite Color?

Couldn’t any of us answer most of these about our favorite celebrities? Granted that might be a slight edge case, but chances are your friends, neighbors, and even some coworkers and classmates you don’t even talk to that often know the answer to these. Hell if you have your faceboook profile a little to open anyone can figure it out. And girls, using your middle name instead of your last name does not obfuscate you. Google yourself sometime.

I’m proposing some more reasonable defaults here: Things so secretive your significant other wouldn’t be able to unlock your account.

  • How many wo[men] have you slept with as of [select milestone or timestamp]
  • how many since?
  • How often do you ignore a disabled vehicle clearly in need of assistance
  • Where did you see the UFO in 1986
  • How many times did a cop give you a “warning” for speeding
  • When did you see Bigfoot
  • What type of porn is the real reason you clear history / use private browsing
  • You like Krabby Patties, don’t you Squidward
  • How many times have you watched Grease, the movie, uninterrupted, alone, on purpose, and sang along
  • What’s in the secret sauce
  • Which child are you most proud of
  • What everyday object has touched your genitals, then you saw someone else use (for its intended purpose) and kept quiet?
  • Which one of his/her brothers/sisters/friends would you most like to sleep with
  • Who has sexually harassed you at work (and you’ve kept quiet)
  • What perfectly legal substances have you knowingly abused
  • Who’s Timmy’s biological father
  • Where are the bodies

By the way, you should probably hide if one of these questions made you uncomfortable or laugh a little to hard – it might reveal your secret and WORSE your email password.